Pencil noir #5

ebola workers~

I want to understand my part is in this tragedy. I see these images every day…..the white suits, the latrine green or bubblegum pink plastic gloves.

I stare at the photo from NBC World News.  I’d googled face masks worn in epidemics after listening to an NPR broadcast about the Liberian aide workers who have taken the job of bringing in the dead. How does one comprehend such a thing?

I decided to draw one of the photos…to find the spaces between the forms…to make this intimate in some way. It becomes a meditation as I concentrate on the crisp plastic suits, the individual postures of the men, the dark slits behind the masks. I breath in, paying attention to the act of drawing what I see.

I breath out. I begin to feel I am breathing for the aide workers who are praying that they remain protected within those suits.

I breath in. I breath out. I feel as if I am breathing now for the ones in the bags. The ones who are no longer breathing. I breath to ease their passage in death. I breath for the loved ones, the children left behind. I keep breathing and concentrating.

I begin mixing the colors for the gloves. Zinc white, phthalo turquoise, a little Jenkins green. I’m almost finished. While applying the paint to the gloves, however,  I am overcome. I watch as all my own sorrows rise to the surface. I realize now that sorrow is simply sorrow.  I am unable to separate one sorrow from another.

But through this experience I have learned one personal way to be with what is happening in the world I live in and am a part of. Each moment as I breath in, as I breath out, life presents itself.  This becomes my prayer….my quiet revolution.

~

Here is the link to the NPR (National Public Radio) episode. It’s one of the more human articles and well worth a look.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/goatsandsoda/2014/08/28/343479917/they-are-the-body-collectors-a-perilous-job-in-the-time-of-ebola

 

Learning curves

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The young girl, assessing the stylish posturing of her mother

critically ascertained its outward glow

as the wrappings on the package of a familiar androgyny

~

The young girl, watching her father absently come and go

was held fast in his mystery.

Since he reappeared to participate in her deepest moments

it was heard as a message from god

~

The young girl, never compromising her role as the eldest,

stealthily watched her brothers tangle in muscle

needing only to place her foot in the middle

to remind them this contest has many sides

~

The woman, quite old now,

loves the glow of her sweat picking beans,

considers all men brothers,

and happily listens to the birds in the trees

~

~

 

Three

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~

Doubt and Belief silently argue

as they sit upon a box

~

Trust joins them

adding 3 wheels to the box

~

giving mobility

to the debate

~

everyone’s muscles still tense

when they pass Hope or Violence

~

but they are now meandering

around the countryside

~

looking for the exact spot

where their grief is buried

~

~

photo credit: Unknown

~

slipping

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.

Oh

.

I think

I’ve made a mistake

.

I thought I was the ocean

water and salt filling my bones

that I could continually wash to shore

over and over and over and over and over and over

.

no

I’ll not do it

if it means love has to wait

for me to be flesh

tender

as all living things

.

who am I

but

human

.

.

photo: Matt Wisniewski