Duet

mud pies~

Four years from the memory of water

I watch

as you bake cookies

Your pensive industry concentrated, I

 stand silenced

by the gray distances you favor.

~

In our own ways

we are both tempted by sweetness.

~

I have already learned to adapt

to the rhythms of living in the abstract.

Engagement

not being within the code

of your weather.

~

So when you are busy elsewhere

I look in the cupboard

to find

one cup of sugar

intending to make the earth

sweet.

~

dirt    sugar    water

seeming the perfect alchemy

baking all afternoon

on an old tin

in the white heat sun oven

off the porch

~

The flower swollen and car exhausted air

seduces me

I gasp in the embrace

~

When it is time

my cookies still

taste like dirt.

But I am less interested

in this wounded conjunction

than the fine film

of sweat

that covers me.

~~

“”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

Making Mud Pies

Ceremony

kimberly_australia1

~

Down on my knees crawling through the blanket flap cervix

 the intimate waves of heat are in transition but I am ready

even though I’m ignorant and forgetful of this raw intricate birthing

Sweat rides my body in rivulets a waterfall’s surrender

I’m tense, but with senses trusting,

I watch the cindering stones as they concentrate

~

 with love and arrogance

I circle the entrance to myself

and follow them in

~

The speed of the stones passage to dust

 unravels my retread knowing

as their elegant sacrifice eclipses the barriers of skin

 and feverish memories collide zig-zag

unable to escape my hollowed mind’s eye

~

I am everyone pouring through my clearing eyes of perceiving

long occluded by the fallout of the human conceit

where even nature forgets her balance

when time has a mind

~

Vapors are rising from holy herbs full of grace

  Still, the undead congregate here like moths to our pain

every one, I’m learning, has a place in line

and I am naked and grateful on my knees and finally present

almost touching heaven

in the wasteland.

~

“”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

A little autobiographical note….While living intimately on 14 acres situated in the poorest county of NY State during the last decade of the past century, I had the opportunity to participate in monthly sweat lodge ceremonies.  The first was on a cold February Sunday…18 degrees outside. I began this relationship with the sweat lodge ceremony after hearing about a local man of Seneca lineage facilitating the sweats, who was being trained by a MicMac Elder from Canada.

During the course of this relationship, through my personal experiences of the sweat lodge and fasting with the Elder, I explored my own personal healing from trauma and our relationship with Divine Nature.  These sweats, and all I learned during this time, were only the beginning of this journey.

I’m grateful for the safety made possible and the care taken by the lodge keepers and most specially to Divinity  for answering my questions and challenging me to ask more.

The deep has always loved me

deep woods

~

The red tailed hawk still perfect but road killed the colors of fall

The drifting snow burying the uphill windows to lit transoms

The absolute quiet of white

 The starving deer the dogs ran down in that hardest of winters

The deer’s bones in the morgue of the freezer until I would bury the bones in Spring

The brush fires I tended that burned hot or low for days under late snow or Spring rain

The old ghost tricking me in dreams to remember our children born of plunder and rape

The gourds that looked like the swollen bellies of whales

The purge of the creek in spring run off stripping bark clean from tumbling dead trees

The surprise of the rising waters climbing my calves the ground saturated to jelly

The path we called Cat Butt turned into a river the sound wild and competing with returning brown geese

A lightening flash snaking the grounding wire silencing the music playing inside with a preacher’s thunder

The swath cut through the static of long berry brambles catching hold and refusing to let go

The oldest grapevine living with the elder pine protecting each other with their roots suckling water from the bog

The young maples I sang with as I learned their grove’s language

The low valley road no one wanted to travel that opened my throat to the sound of a vowel’s reaching

The last call and thumping cry shock wave of each tree falling as loggers clear cut nearby

The hummingbird sitting in stillness on the tip of the branchless dead tree each summer’s day at four

The oceans of colored mushrooms swelling the deep woods just that one wet season

The bed of lace and leaves tatted by oak’s tannin where I lay in surrender to soft rain

 The purple woman’s hands of black cohosh rising from wet soil dressed in the mysteries of Spring

                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Photo: Deep Woods by Nicholas_T  ( https://c2.staticflickr.com/8/7296/8847022426_1d8de04c8c_b.jpg )

Light

shadowing all poets

looking for voice

Outdistancing condensations of time

Treading lightly upon soiled shores

Eroding titled consensus

Unifying mismatched ethos

Upending obscurity

Surprising bare feet

~

“”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

danser_sa_vie

“”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

Photo credit: http://www.unidivers.fr/centre-pompidou-danser-sa-vie-2311-204-2012/

The position of gray

~

After so many years

it grays me to see

how often we enter into

an agreement of unkindness,

each day a choice of persuasion,

where shadows of unmet desires

play against the walls

of our routines

sung by the low hum

of tuneless notes.

~

no apologies

aching hearts

~

we are both waiting

to be

apart

””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””’

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””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””’

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/striatic/133146861/”>striatic</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

 

Brain lights

~
Heart upended

sight suspended

shattering 

light

~

“”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

heart

 ””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

Migraine auras. They’d come in sequences of three days, lasting for about twenty minutes each time. Just the auras. Not the headaches. For the most part.

Crossing a bridge, the pungent smell of rosemary, walking away from the house…the  triggers were identifiable. 

It’s been a few years now since the perpetuating upheaval of estrangement. No more auras. They were a physicality of the moment.

The heart in the picture is new and looks like it comes from a teenage notebook. Most definitely.

I added the edges surrounding the heart, cut from an old sketch book where I’d drawn the auras.

Glued together

I look at this picture

as an old tattoo on my

perfectly elastic body 

absorbing the sun in the salt spray.

Aye

I’m a sailor

in the sea of love.

Footprint…

 

naked

impressed

open to skies

deep in the left heel

tender

I don’t need to follow you

I can see where you’ve been

in the waves

with their tongues of silver

”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””’

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””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””’

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/elliotmoore/45457311/”>Elliot Moore</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

Opening

Mountain

that yearns

to be a flower

learns

the ephemeral language

of

beginnings

         “””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””'”””””””””””””””””””””””

import 1 007            

”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

Painting by © J H White

Seeing you is seeing me

fractal-Nov13_1

Twice a month I  meet for a few hours with four other women. Our friendship has a history as neighbors, fellow artists, some mothers, a few grandmothers, some wives, some ex-wives…it’s a toss up but we share artistic enthusiasms. Our lives are busy and we may not see each other as often as we’d like in any of these roles. But every other week we make time in our schedules to get together. We’ve all said that this time spent together is essential to each of us.  For these particular meetings we’ve come to listen deeply to each other. Continue reading